We’d Make Great Pets

We’d Make Great Pets – by Copyright by James Francis Keegan III I was caught in some wild animal trap, and held up by my legs. What the outer space aliens used as bait, a blond at a bus stop. Vagina and a place to sit, how they got me. What the blond said, an […]

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Spider Salesman

Spider Salesman – Copyright by James Francis Keegan III An orb weaver, my life’s work, what I do, I sell arachnids, I am a common door-to-door salesman, an e-business door, what I do, sell Earth insects, via the Internet to all galaxies, ‘No Galaxy too Distant,’ me a millionaire thanks to Fed EX and UPS […]

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Captain Atomic the Grammarian

Captain Atomic the Grammarian – Copyright by James Francis Keegan III Captain Atomic, our hero, changed by an accidental release of atomic energy at Fort Bliss, Texas, the incident called, ‘Wrong Coordinates Again,’ not a soldier, but a substitute English teacher, a grammarian, bombarded with radioactive isotopes, while reading a grammar book, entitled Grammar Girl, […]

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Chemistry Set of the Future

Chemistry Set of the Future – Copyright by James Francis Keegan III     …What will the chemistry set of the future look like?   Blow bubbles that take a half hour to land and two days to dissipate. Make own chewing gum out of banana peels. Prism contact lenses – rainbow everything. Throw your […]

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The Iridium 192 Black Carpenter Ant

The Iridium 192 Black Carpenter Ant – Copyright by James Francis Keegan III   …Taking the irradiated black carpenter ant for a test drive without dad’s permission and accidentally dropping the reins, the ant overturning a Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream truck just minutes after little brother fell out when the ant crawled inverted on […]

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Monkey Business

Monkey Business – Copyright by James Francis Keegan III Zoo exhibit gone wrong, a species of monkey, a Japanese Macaque… what was supposed to happen: testing on macaque monkeys – a macaque what does it look like? A cross between a baboon and a teddybear with the face of a red balloon. Intelligence testing, stupidly […]

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Southern Woman Dieting

Southern Woman Dieting – Copyright by James Francis Keegan III …My Aunt Emma had a trick foot and had to wear prescription shoes, one foot being one inch shorter and the foot of a bird, my Aunt Emma having the foot of an ostrich only two toes, and half her left leg covered in scales, […]

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Chewbacca Gets a Haircut

Chewbacca Gets a Haircut – Copyright James Francis Keegan III   …“Ow my God! Look at your 11 o’clock! He’s like eight feet tall and hair longer than a wedding train. And look, matted like a shitzu.” “Gross.” “Maybe it is part of his religion.” “If I get any of his nasty smell under my […]

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The Magician’s Coat Pockets

The Magician’s Coat Pockets – Copyright James Francis Keegan III     ‘When one has much to put into them, a day has a hundred pockets.’ – Friedrich Nietzsche Having left his black herringbone coat on a love seat, the magician went on stage. I thought I’d look through the pockets. I snooped I did. […]

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The Parents Pudding and Custard

The Parents Pudding and Custard – Copyright by James Francis Keegan III …Gentleman Pudding Married Custard, and She Gave Birth to a Little Baby Bunting, Frosting. Pudding – made of flour, milk, cornstarch, eggs, and sugar – took a law degree in Patisserie from the University of Rennes. And Custard – sugar, whipping cream, egg […]

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